1) Clark Kent now goes into a phone booth and comes out just wearing these.
2) Improves every Olympic lift by 45X - I can now squat 20,000 lbs. Truth.
3) These shorts are the world's first fully-functioning, NASA-approved boobie magnet.
4) If your father had worn the 'Mericas prior to your conception, you would have 14 identical twin brothers.
5) These babies are 10,000% made in the USA.
Yep, that's right. If your Chubbies don't fit EXACTLY how you want them to, send them back using our quadruple dope return process and we'll get you a different size faster than you can open up a fresh adult beverage.