Now that the ol' college foozball regular season is in the book-eroos, we’ve got two vital matters to attend to, Chubster Nation: Matter 1) cleaning our flabongo, and Matter 2) awarding the first-ever Thighsman Trophy, given by us to the most impressive TD scored by a lineman this season.
Because according to ConvenientFacts.com, bigger thighs are 99.9% more likely to produce better scores.
So we hit the film room, where we watched 6 hours of college football highlights and 17 hours of MacGyver episodes, came up with finalists, voted, and then ordered GIFs of the top 10 vote getters 10-to-1 for your and Joe Mantegna’s viewing pleasure below.
Oh, and Go Mud Dogs.
10. Brandon Knight, Indiana
There’s open, and then there’s a 24-hour Denny’s. And THEN there’s Brandon Knight.
9. Kwontie Moore, UVA
8. Jack Allen, Michigan State
Nothing to see here guys… except a 300-pound center going full tilt armageddon beast mode on Penn State’s dome.
7. Stevie Tui’kolovatu, Utah
You can’t stop Stevie Tui’kolovatu, you can only hope to contain him. Unless you’re the CBS camera guy, in which case you can’t even do that.
6. Hassan Ridgeway, Texas
Stumblin’, bumblin’, rumblin’, almosttriplin’, stillonhisfeetlin’, backtorumblin', touchdownlin’.
5. Austin Johnson, PSU
Austin Johnson has 99 problems BUT SCORING TOUCHDOWNS AIN’T ONE.
4. Malik McMorris, Cal
Few dudes can pull off gold pants like Malik McMorris can pull off gold pants.
3. Sheldon Rankins, Louisville
He could… go… all… the… way… just… give… him… a… minute… or… two… OK… almost… there… annnnnnnnd touchytouchdown.
2. Jarquez Samuel, Marshall
Dive! Dive! Dive! Wait there's someone underneath you! Stop diving! Stop diving! Stop diving!
1. Laquan McGowan, Baylor
That’s just. I mean. Yeah. And then he. Plus the. Yep. Respect.
Shoot us your address Laquan and we’ll get the trophy in the mail, bud.
- Grant "Kick Some Names And Take Some Ass" Marek