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GIFTAPALOOZA IS ON! Select your free gift with purchase in your cart.

BEHOLD: THE TEAR-AWAY SWIM TRUNKS

ALSO BEHOLD: QUESTIONS, ANSWERS & THE APEX OF THIGH LIBERATION.

Q) How do The Grand Finales work?
A) Like this:

america

BEHOLD: THE TEAR-AWAY SWIM TRUNKS

ALSO BEHOLD: QUESTIONS, ANSWERS & THE APEX OF THIGH LIBERATION.

Q) How do The Grand Finales work?

A) Like this:

download images to see a man fly through the air. for real. for real.

Q) I'm still confused. Do you have to be airborne for those tear-away trunks to function properly?


A) It certainly helps, but these swim trunks also work on the land.

now this is a gif my good friend

Q) I think I got it. So I rip off the shorts, reveal the Chubbana Hammock™, then drop 1,000 mics.

A) Yup, you got it. Feel free to hit ‘em with a little shimmy at the end.

Q) Do you have a button for me to buy these beasts?

A) Since you asked for it.

GET THE GRAND FINALES. THEN GET FUNKY.

Q) IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!?!

A) No. We're just getting warmed up. Peep the Magic Print Trunks. They start off solid, then you add water, then they reveal a radical print.

hit 'em with the blues

Q) Orange you glad I didn't ask for a creamsicle-colored pair?

A) As you wish...

dat creamy orangeness

Q) DUDE, I'M FREAKING OUT.


A) DUDE, ME TOO.

whoaaaa
MAGIC BUTTON THAT TRANSPORTS YOU TO THE LAND OF MAGIC TRUNKS

Q) Great Googly Mooglie those shorts are cray cray.


A) That’s not really a question and actually these are The Googly Mooglies.

kyle is chillin

Q) IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?!?!


A) We see what you did there with the italics. And to answer your question.

fancy grid

Which’s why we hit up a real-life Stanford doctor, Connor O’Brien, M to the D, who let us in on a game-changing little game-changer: how to cure a hangover... WITH SCIENCE.

THE SCIENCE

Dr. Connor used a LOT of big words explaining this to us, but basically there’s three sucky things happening to you when you’re hungover:

1) There’s some minor damage to your body because alcohol is the devil (screw you, alcohol), 2) there’s dehydration, and 3) there’s a withdrawal process in your brain, where your brain is all “Dude, I had so much fun drinking last night — you released sooooooo much dopamine while we were partying. Thing is, you’re not releasing it anymore, and that sucks, so I’ll give you, like, $1,000,000 if you release some more by either A) drinking more booze, or B) eating like 12 cheeseburgers.”

And then you’re all, “Here you go, here’s 80 pieces of bacon.”

And your brain is all, “Thanks bro. This should make us feel human again, but honestly still kinda hungover.”

If you want to go from "just feeling human again" to "whoa I don't feel hungover at all, let's go play laser tag" you're going to need to address the hydration situation, too.

And this is where most people #fail — while drinking water is good it doesn’t really address the the problem in its entirety.

Because when you drink, you also pee a bunch. And when you pee a bunch, your body loses salt, too. You don’t replace that when you’re drankin’ just a fugload of water.

THE CURE

The best hangover cure, scientifically speaking, is actually the World Health Organization’s Cholera Cure. Yeah. That.

Cholera involves severe dehydration and electrolyte loss, and if you drank infinity drinks the night before you're dealing with basically the same stuff.

Dr. Connor's Hangover Cure:
• 1 liter of water
• 6 teaspoons of sugar
• A half teaspoon of salt
• Squeeze of lemon or lime for flavoring

"It’s scientifically designed — even though it’s so simple — so you really absorb what you drink,” Dr. C says.

According to the doc, you actually only need 1 to 1.5 liters (don’t drink more than that weirdo, your stomach is only so big), which you can drink right before you go to bed or right when you wake up (earlier the better).

THE TRIAL

DaveO here had a big night last night (sooooooo much Grappa, guys), so we had him put this thing to the test.

THE RESULTS

Thanks science. And also Connor.

- Grant "Not A Doctor" Marek

"Don't cross the streams! Unless you've shared this first, then it's totally fine." - Dr. Egon Spengler

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