You might think the Best Day of the Year is a Christmas morning spent opening Ninja Turtles action figures and mint condition Walt Weiss rookie cards, but NOPE, the Best Day of the Year is actually the day after Thanksgiving.
Because, hello, THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS.
And, yeah, you might also think last week’s story on Battle Pong was the Best Story of the Year, but NOPE AGAIN, that would actually be this one.
Because, hi, IT'S ABOUT TO SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN YOUR THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS INTO HOT POCKETS.
Alright first, you need a Snackmaster (remember Snackmaster?)
It’s sorta like a panini press, except it's designed for max hot pocket-ification. And it stopped existing in the early ‘90s, which means you’ll probably need the Cuisinart knockoff, which you can get for $20ish at a zillion different stores.
Next, you need leftovers
Which you have tons of because it's the day after Thanksgiving, but we didn’t when we made this because it wasn't the day after Thanksgiving, so we asked Chef Ryan Shelton from San Francisco hot spot Reverb Kitchen and Bar to help us make everything and he totally did because he’s a gentleman and a scholar.
OK — and this is probably the most important part — now you need to know what to put in your Hot Pockets
For this, we turned to the world’s foremost authority on H-Pockets: a 6-year-old. This is Harper, she’s 6, and she came up with eight combinations, all of which she reviewed with her facial expressions. Because again, she's 6, and that's what you do when you're 6.
1. The Everything
Ingredients: Turkey, green beans, pumpkin pie candied yams, cranberry sauce, gravy, mashed potatoes, rolls, and stuffing.
On a scale of 1-to-10, how much do you like it?: “10? Yep, 10.” - Harper
2. The Mashedcrankin
Ingredients: Mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce and pumpkin pie
How much would you pay for it?: “Maybe like $5 or something.” - Harper
3. The Jolly Green
Ingredients: Turkey, green beans and rolls
What does it taste like?: “You know I'm still eating it... right?” - Harper
4. The Dessert
Ingredients: Pumpkin pie, candied yams and cranberry
How much would you pay for it?: “$4. No. NO. $3.” - Harper
5. The Turkey Dinner
Ingredients: Turkey, stuffing, gravy and cranberry
Describe it in one word: *puts hand over heart, thinks hard* “I guess.” - Harper. "That's two words." - Us. "Whatever." - Harper.
6. The Double Potato
Ingredients: Mashed potatoes and candied yams
On a scale of 1-to-10, how much do you like it?: “DOUBLE MASHED POTATO! DOUBLE MASHED POTATO! DOUBLE MASHED POTATO! TEN.” - Harper
7. The Gravy Boat
Ingredients: Turkey, candied yams and gravy
Who would've liked it more, the pilgrims or the Native Americans?: “Pilgrims. Because the Native Americans didn't plant gravy so they probably wouldn't like it.” - Harper
8. Ryan Shelton's Dark Horse
Ingredients: Pumpkin pie, green beans and rolls
Who would've liked it more, the pilgrims or the Native Americans?: “Neither.” - Harper
Happy Weekend Hot Pocketing to all of you, and a special six-fingered high-five to Ryan and all the folks at Reverb, who make the best donut we've had in our entire life.
Grant "Dread Pirate" Marek